"Chinatown"-Official media of Chinese Australians

What is it like to marry a foreigner? Perhaps you will immediately think of the male protagonist in Hollywood blockbusters: strong figure, heroic face, gentleman-like demeanor, and funny conversation. But is this really the case in reality? Let's take a look at the four Chinese women who married in Japan, the United States, France, and Australia. What kind of cultural differences and difficulties in life they encountered.

The terrible instincts of Japanese husbands
Petty and domineering


(Oralist: 40 years old, married for 10 years)

I have lived in Japan for a long time and am now the mother of two sons. The grievances and sorrows of our husband and wife during this period are truly indescribable! The Japanese are violent, rude, and have a strong national concept; my Oriental husband is quite stingy and domineering, not as generous, easy-going, and caring for his wife like the Chinese.

I graduated from Fudan University in Shanghai. Later, due to the wave of going abroad, I also came to Japan after many setbacks and got married soon. After marriage, the husband exposed feelings of contempt and discrimination towards the Chinese. Whenever scenes of poor life in remote rural areas of China appeared on TV, he said: "Well, you Chinese will definitely enjoy the blessings of marrying me. Look at how poor you are in China!"

In addition to his spiritual superiority of the so-called "Yamato Nationality", he did not allow me to call Shanghai frequently... Later, I was frustrated, and he allowed me to make a 3-minute phone call to Shanghai regularly. His sister often insulted me, saying, "You Chinese pauper, come to Japan to take advantage." Strong ethnic discrimination has escalated family conflicts. There are economic and cultural differences between China and Japan between developed and developing countries. This difference has resulted in my husband’s insults and discrimination against me and even China; I can bear his insults to my personality, but I absolutely I can't bear his blasphemy against my motherland...We have had "domestic violence" incidents that broke out again and again!

My husband works in a company and has made some friends, so he often goes out to drink with friends after get off work, and only comes back drunk until late at night. However, he saves terribly at home: no air conditioner is allowed in summer, no more washing powder is allowed to wash clothes... even bathing is not allowed to overtime, if the time passes, he will turn off the water heater; he is not allowed to watch at night On TV, he must go to bed on time at 8 o'clock. As soon as he gets home every day, his sons call "Dad is back", and then go back to the room to sleep...

I think: There shouldn't be a family like me often in China. Most Chinese husbands think about their families at all times; they share every harvest with their wives and children... Creating a warm, happy, and happy nest is a family tradition for Chinese husbands. The Japanese husband seems to seek personal happiness and enjoyment.

My husband is good at training children. Once he bought a 300 yen battery. When he went home, he knew that his son’s car battery was out of order. He took out the battery and showed it to his son. He said: "This is what my father bought for you for 300 yuan. "The son said: "I want me to", he asked his son to write an IOU. After hearing this, the son immediately said "no more", he hurriedly coaxed his son, and finally succeeded in winning his son's IOU. This is just a small example. Every child has to write an IOU if he wants to take something from him. Now all kinds of IOUs have been piled up with him... He said that the children will have to take these things together. One back to him. I think: The way of educating children should be to inspire children to do something, rather than blindly educate them about the importance of money.

Japanese men advocate "male chauvinism", especially my husband. Follow him in everything at home; if you go against him, you will be yelled at by him. Once, when I quarreled with him about something, he grabbed my hair and hit me against the wall; another time I was beaten intolerable, and later called the police, and the police said they could not do anything about it. The last place is gone...Under the siege of various "domestic violence", I have been in a trance for a long time!

Many Japanese men who marry Chinese women have strong colors of Nepal. I am now totally in deep fear, worried that one day my husband will be beaten to death or angry. I want to take the children back to China, but this violates Japanese law again... I am in a dilemma now!

The biggest challenge for American husbands
"Money" and "Use"


(Oralist: 47 years old, married for 10 years)

After I married to the United States seven years ago, I worked as an editor for a magazine; my American husband is 10 years older than me, and is also a literary researcher.

In China, it is difficult for a 40-year-old woman who is divorced and brought a child to remarry; especially if I have a higher degree of education, even if I am willing to "condescend", others may not be willing to "climb". Marrying an American is not to go abroad, it is all because American men are simple and easy to get along with. Our seven years of living together are very sweet, but obstacles are inevitable. The biggest challenge is "money" and "marital life"... This is the biggest conflict between Eastern and Western culture in marriage!

In China, two people become one person as soon as they get married; while in the United States, two people are still two people no matter how good they are, and they are clearly separated in money... This does not mean renunciation, this is them. Culture. Most of the couples in the United States have their own bank accounts, and it is clear who should pay for various expenses; there is also notarization of pre-marital property, which is a routine legal procedure for every American before the wedding. Before my husband and I got married, he asked me to sign a notarized property document, stating that his property had nothing to do with me before the marriage. I was really uncomfortable!

Once, when we picked up a friend from the airport, he asked me for 10 dollars in gas money in front of my friend, and he really prevented me from coming to Taiwan. On Mother’s Day, the husband called his parents to come home for dinner. After the meal, his father took the initiative to pay us... This kind of thing is hard to even think about in China. How can parents still need to eat at their son’s house? When it comes to paying, I always feel that my husband is impersonal, which is very different from Chinese family etiquette; but in the United States, these phenomena are common. My husband is so clear to me, it is indeed embarrassing to be a wife. However, when I really have financial difficulties, he will give generously!

That year, my 15-year-old daughter was admitted to a prestigious art academy in the United States, which required considerable tuition and fees. After I took out all my savings, I was still short of US$1000...At this time, my husband generously gave me US$1000 and said that the money was even a little sponsorship for my daughter's studies. I really appreciate him! When China encountered various disasters, he took me to the Chinese community and donated 500 US dollars. I was really moved by that kindness. I joked with him: If you give me this $500, how many times can I call my parents, "Listen, he is anxious: "That's not good, that's not good!" "...

After getting along with my husband for a long time, I have gradually understood the boundary between "distinct" and "indistinct" in life, and the true meaning of "humanity" and "inhumanity". I also began to understand that Chinese marriages are based on common ideals and hobbies, while American marriages are based on a harmonious and sweet married life; in China, couples pay too much attention to the life of firewood, rice, oil and salt; in the United States, harmonious couples Life is the most important thing for a successful marriage!

French husband above all else
"Privacy" and "Freedom"


(Oralist: 39 years old, married for 3 years)

Marrying a Frenchman, it is impossible to have absolute harmony and tacit understanding. We offended them if we were not careful. The French advocate individualism, personal freedom and personal privacy; in their view, privacy is above all personal space and is sacred and inviolable. For example, questions such as age, salary and even address cannot be asked casually. Once the phone bill came and his name was written on the envelope. After I opened it and read it, he was very upset. On Christmas Day, I was on vacation outside, and the holiday congratulatory letter his mother sent us was He kept waiting for me to open my name... I asked him: This is from your mother, what does it matter if you open it? He told me that if he opens the letter with my name, I have the right to sue he!

In the process of adapting to the French "privacy", we have had conflicts. Once a friend came to see me. She was afraid that it would be too troublesome for us to pick up at the airport, so she went straight to home without making a call. I was overjoyed at the time, but my husband refused to let her in because he didn't make an appointment with us in advance. The French believe that it is impolite and rude to "airborne" someone else's home at any time, so you must make an appointment in advance to visit a French home. Let me explain after a good meal: we Chinese come by and we never make an appointment, just knock on the door, this is our culture...

The son of husband and ex-wife, 13 years old this year, we want to take him back to live for a while. When he talked with his son on the phone, he agreed to see you at school at 5 pm. Our car arrived at the school gate 20 minutes earlier. He insisted on sitting in the car and waited until 5 o'clock on time before entering the school gate. Although I know these are their cultures and I am not trying to get awkward with me, I still feel uncomfortable.

Once, he told me to go to the wedding of my ex-wife. I disagreed, but he insisted on going, so we quarreled. I said that he was not specific to me, and he said that he told me this because he was specific to me. I yelled angrily: "You are disconnected from her, bullying!" He also yelled: "You don't need to care about this. I can do whatever I like. You Chinese are careful." He insisted: "In France, Everyone has the right to freedom. In fact, I did not do anything wrong. I went just to congratulate, and I would not sleep with her!" After that, he ignored me and left... I was so angry that I didn’t close my eyes all night. !

I also have a history of marriage in China, and I have a lovely daughter. I used to be the main actor of a domestic first-class theater company, and my ex-husband was a teacher in a middle school. Soon after the divorce, I met my current foreign husband. I didn’t expect it would hit it off. Soon I became his bride and came to France. In fact, he is very caring and considerate to me, but the cultural backgrounds of China and France are different.

I once asked him tentatively if he could take my daughter and live there. He said it was my right and he could not ask. So I went to great lengths to take my daughter to my side, and finally realized the mother-daughter reunion dream, but my good intentions were not understood by my daughter. My daughter hates me. She doesn't understand why a good family is broken up; she hates my foreign husband even more, thinking that he robbed her mother. In fact, the foreign husband treats my daughter very well. He bought her a piece of clothing when he first came here, but the daughter did not appreciate her at all, and turned against each other, and even refused to let foreign father touch her things. He was very disgusted with this, and confided in me his difficulties, and also proposed to live with a friend's house for a while. After my husband left, I said to my daughter: "You can stay in France to go to school, and the foreign father will treat you like me." But my daughter firmly disagreed and said that she would live with her Chinese father. On the day I sent my daughter away, I didn't tell my husband, I was afraid that they would have conflicts again. As a result, my husband got angry after returning home, saying that he could not send my daughter. I said it’s unnecessary. He said it’s their culture. The host is personally responsible for the French picking up and sending off guests. They must be sent to the airport before they wave goodbye, otherwise others will think that it’s rude to the guests and poorly done. . I feel aggrieved because it is very casual to pick up and drop off guests in China. Sometimes it is enough to send guests downstairs and call a "taxi". I am not so particular about it... I am now more and more discovering the cultural differences between China and France. Far!

Australian husband’s discord
"Consumption" and "Recreation"


(Oralist: 32 years old, married for 4 years)

After I got married in Australia, I became a Chinese teacher in a university. Chinese couples must be "satisfied", but Australians do not understand the process of "satisfaction", nor can they understand such deep love. I admit that the main purpose of marrying this foreign husband is to obtain a green card, but I don't want to cheat the green card and leave, but I am willing to live with him sincerely.
Due to the different living environment, my foreign husband and I have great differences in culture and life, especially in terms of "consumption" and "recreation." I am very tired from get off work during the day, and I want to lie down when I enter the house after work, but he insists on going out after get off work after a tired day; I want to rest quietly at home on weekends, but my husband must drive far away to experience the great experience. natural. I like to save money and save a little money every month; he likes to use a credit card and spend ahead. My house, car, and home appliances are all purchased in installments. He spends all his money every month...for this reason, I often bump into him.

This foreign husband follows procedures in everything he does. He mobilizes me to take a shower twice a day, once in the evening, and once in the morning; at the dinner table, you can’t pick vegetables directly with chopsticks, but pick the vegetables into your own small dish and put it in your mouth; on the road , No matter where you go, let the elderly and children go first... I feel very wronged and ask for deregulation. He said extremely seriously: "My dear, you are already married to an Australian. You have to learn to adapt to the new environment. Any society pays attention to order and ethics. Your behavior should be based on the principle of not affecting others." With a flushed face, I thought: I have received more than ten years of education, and I have been an educator for several years, but in his eyes he has become an "illiterate wife" who knows nothing... This makes me feel ashamed. Feeling wronged again!

Once, I cooked a table of hearty dishes, and deliberately stewed a pot of trotters soup, wanting my husband to taste it fresh. My husband came back from get off work, and when he saw the red, green, and green dishes on the table, he excitedly hugged me and said, "My dear, you are so kind. You made me truly feel the existence of a warm and considerate home." He said Now, the lights are turned off, the candles are lit, the music is turned on... In the romantic, hazy, and quiet mood, we talk while eating. The pig's knuckle soup was simmered, and I brought it to the table. The husband asked in amazement: "What is this?" I told him it was a pig's trotter, which was delicious. He took a bite and stopped eating it immediately. After a while, he said, "My dear, I suggest you don't eat it. People can't just talk about taste but also about nutrition. It will change you into a fat man. I hope You will take my advice seriously." In this way, a few pig's feet destroyed the romantic mood of the whole night!

Australians admire enjoyment too much, and Chinese advocate frugality too. During the summer vacation, my husband wanted to travel to the beach with me, but I wanted to save money, so I firmly refused to go. He stubbornly said: "You have worked so hard, you must relax!" I said, "We don't have that much money!" He said, "Didn't we save 1000 Australian dollars, how can we say that we have no money?" I told him : We have become a family and must save some money to deal with emergencies. He laughed at me: after thinking about so much, he forced me to travel and spent all of the 1000 Australian dollars in three days! He said: "The Chinese just know to save money, as if people live to save money! If you have money and don't enjoy it, you just save money and you will not become a slave to money! You can only make money by spending money. "

In order to maintain our marriage, my foreign husband cannot be changed. In the end, I can only suppress and wrong myself... This is also a kind of Chinese women's contribution to foreign marriages!

The article is reproduced from "Tick"


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