I received such a question in the background before:

Isn’t it enough just to improve interpersonal relationships in the workplace?

I always wanted to write something on this topic, but I couldn't find a suitable opportunity. It just happened that a reader came to ask, so I followed the flow of the boat and talked about it.

First put the point of view

The so-called "engagement in relationships" in the workplace are all social means based on the exchange of interests.

You can stand and earn money if you don’t get involved or kneel and lick

Photo by Andrew Neel

If there is no exchange of value and benefit, there is no relationship.

To use an analogy, the word "relationship" belongs to the word "wing" in the word "Wing".

This big tiger without benefits is worthless.

I can understand why many young people admire the matter of engaging in relationships, that is because too many greasy middle-aged people in society have set bad examples.

We can often see scenes like this. A man with a big belly and combing his greasy head smiles and invites a group of customers into a private room of a high-end hotel.

After returning to the company, the man and a group of younger brothers boasted how superb their methods were, how to manage Mr. Zhang, Mr. Li, Mr. Zhao, Mr. Wang, and they could easily win tens of millions of orders while talking and laughing.

Then the people below looked admiring, and secretly vowed to do the same one day. If you learn three cups and five cups and ten cups, you are brothers.

Unfortunately, this is not the case.

For a business that can be brought about by relationship alone, the distribution of benefits has already been negotiated, or there is no professional threshold in this matter.

Talking about the distribution of benefits, as long as you don't make big mistakes, it should be yours.

There is no technical threshold, there is no difference between doing it for you and doing it for others. If you can't provide additional new value, why should people choose you?

Just because you are brothers? Just by having a massage with you? Or is it just because you look good?

XNUMX. The victory of all the scenery on the wine table has become a foregone conclusion as early as under the wine table.

The so-called business networking is just a cutscene, which is a sense of ritual for adults.

However, this is the same as the iceberg theory. Things under the table will not tell you. You can only see the kung fu on the table, so I assume that it is enough to just build a good relationship.

In addition, some people are not self-aware, thinking that they can speak well, long-sleeved dancing, drinking a few glasses of wine and singing a few songs with customers is a fateful friendship, and there is nothing to worry about.

It is not enough for these people to have the hallucinations themselves, they have to be advertised, causing a group of young graduates to think they have found a shortcut to success and follow suit.

As a result, the key essence of the matter was not in place, and the impetuous sense of ritual was learned in a real way.

How can success be so easy? If this is the case, a few glasses of wine and a few songs will cost the life, and this life is too cheap.

At this time, someone will definitely stand up and say that this is not the case. I have a friend who sells in XX company, and customers treat him like a brother who worships him. Based on this relationship, his annual income is tens of millions.

In this regard, I want to say that knowing what is happening must also know why.

First of all, it is very difficult to establish a stable and healthy relationship in the business field.

This is not like it is played in a domestic film and television drama, and it is just a matter of having a meal and shaking hands with others.

Behind this are countless days and nights of sweat and hard preparations, but these things are too hard and boring to be photographed. Everyone still likes to watch the story of Diosi easily attacking the annual salary of one million.

So the intermediate process must be cut off,Only show you the beginning and the end, it is dramatic enough to attract the eye.

Don't learn life principles from movies and TV shows, just like don't learn success secrets from Douyin. I found the wrong place and couldn't find the truth after digging the ground three feet.

also,The establishment of such a strong relationship cannot be achieved by one person alone.

You can become brothers with your customers, is it because of your great personal charm or the strong platform background of the company you represent?

Does the other person value you as a person or the resources that can be reached behind you?

If one day you are not in this company, can you still make an appointment with someone for a drink? Will they still care for you?

Think about these questions.This is called knowing what it is, and knowing why it is.

This is true in business and even more so in the workplace.

Many young people who have just graduated raised this puzzle to me:

XNUMX. "What do you think of people who like to flatter the boss? Should I also kneel and lick the boss?"

To answer this question, let’s briefly analyze why someone would kneel and lick the boss.

Isn't it because he can't do business well and can only live in the company by kneeling and licking to make the boss happy?

Imagine that a person with excellent ability and hard work would kneel and lick his boss? No, because his dignity does not allow it.

And the more professional people are, the less they will abandon their dignity to do things that violate principles.

On the contrary, it is the people who are not good at professional ability and don't want the boss to see that they are not good. Since the boss can't be persuaded rationally, he can only start from the emotion and use rhetoric to try to get through.

After all, it's easier to move your mouth than to use your hands.

But do you think the boss is really stupid? No, the boss is just acting stupid.

The boss's perspective on people is different from that of employees.

Ordinary employees think that the person next to them can only flatter and can't do everything at work. Why does the boss keep him?

But the boss knows that this person has a way of eating, drinking, and having fun, and every time the big bosses who receive the headquarters can arrange everyone properly.

Or perhaps the person's distant relative is a senior official in a certain government department, who can tell the boss some useful information at a critical moment.

And these, ordinary employees will never know.

But this doesn't mean that the boss can't see that there is a problem with this person, but his ability is not used in this place.

Just as we all know that He Shen is the most famous corrupt official and flattery of the Qing Dynasty, but few people know that he is also fluent in multiple languages, holds several important positions in the country, and is very shrewd in diplomatic and financial means.

During his reign, he helped Qianlong, the big boss, contributed a lot of achievements.

XNUMX. The boss’s perspective on people is always only four words, and people make the best use of it

To put it bluntly, it means a radish and a pit, but some pits are on the surface and some are in the dark. The boss is very clear in his heart.

No boss will reuse a person just because he is good at flattering. If there is, this kind of boss will go bankrupt sooner or later.

Just think about it.

The company's business has to be done, product problems can be changed, customers have to deal with complaints, and projects can be remedied by opening the skylight. These are not flattering, but solid skills.

The rules of the business world have not changed due to the behavioral deviations of a few individuals.

So we return to the previous question, should young people kneel and lick their boss?

The correct answer is that you have a lot of choices that are much better than kneeling and licking. Why do you have to lose your dignity at a young age and do things you don't want?

Wouldn't it be good to rely on your own research, diligence and sweat to win respect?

On the contrary, those who have been kneeling for a long time will find it difficult to stand up later.

Just like the news that a bank leader in Xiamen forced young subordinates to drink a while ago, there was a lot of noise. Some people said that this was a "compliance test" for employees by the leader, but in my opinion this is another form of workplace PUA.

The so-called compliance test, to put it bluntly, is to forcibly instill in employees "here I have the final say".

Once you accept this setting, there will be endless pain behind.

Let you drink today, tomorrow you can make false accounts, and the day after tomorrow can let you back the pot.

There is a high-scoring Japanese drama called "Hansawa Naoki", you can go and watch it, and you will know what I mean after watching it.

In 2020, there is still this kind of corporate culture of arbitrary power and seniority. It is no wonder that the traditional banking industry is becoming less and less dynamic now, and there are fewer and fewer young people.

"Sunset Industry" is worthy of the name.

Whether it is kneeling and licking the customer or the boss, it is a deformed workplace relationship that is not worth learning.

XNUMX. A healthy workplace relationship is based on mutual benefit based on respect for personality.

I also said at the beginning of the article that interpersonal relationships are the "wings" of "like a tiger with wings", and good use can turn corruption into magic.

If you have excellent work abilities and understand basic human relationships, you will be able to surpass 90% of the people, and you will be profitable in the workplace.

So what is the basic human feelings? Finally, briefly say 4 points:

First, know how to repay.

There is no unprovoked "help" in the workplace. Only by having contacts can the relationship last.

Especially when your strength is still very weak, if you receive the favor of others, you must keep in mind how small you are, and one day you will repay you as a spring.

Second, exchange "free" for "paid".

In the previous article, I said that I have to repay the favor of others. But if the person providing help is yourself, try to make the help appear generous instead of caressing.

The favors that are sold are treated as spilled water and cannot be recovered. The more you do this, the more feedback you will receive in the future.

Trade the “free” of the present for the “paid” of the future, and put a long line to catch the big fish.

Third, maintain empathy.

You can switch positions at any time and put yourself in the other side's position to consider issues. Understand each other’s difficulties, troubles, and interest considerations, and then find a way to find a win-win solution for everyone.

Don't just consider your own interests. No one wants to associate with selfish people.

Fourth, stick to the principles you think are important.

You must show your own principles and values ​​in your daily life and life, and don't be a person who does nothing to achieve your goals.

Although many times you have to ask for perfection, it does not mean that you have no principles. On the contrary, if you are a person with clear principles and a clear bottom line, you will win the respect of the other party.

Think it is right, hold on, think it is wrong, refute it. The concept of right and wrong is more important than the concept of money, and being a man is more important than doing things.

The above is today's content, I hope to bring you some enlightenment.

mutual encouragement