After watching the suffocating scene of the father and son in KFC, I understand why some children never get rich all their lives

Release your eyes, put on headphones, and listen~!

01
This story was seen on Zhihu.
题主在肯德基,看到一个爸爸带着孩子来买儿童餐。
While sitting down to eat, the father said to the child:
“你吃这一顿饭,就花了我半天辛苦工作. "
The child looked 7 or 8 years old, and after listening, neither father nor son spoke.
But judging from the boy's lowered head and the slow movement of chewing food, he understood and listened to it.
Picture source network
Probably in the eyes of that father, he seized a great opportunity to educate his children.
In a word, it not only shows the economic situation of the family, educates the children to be thrifty and thrifty, but also builds themselves into the image of a loving father who does his best to meet the children's needs.
I don't know how that child will digest this sentence in the future, but when I finish reading this story, I feel very uncomfortable.
Because Chinese children basically grew up listening to these words of their parents at the dinner table.

"Our family's conditions are not as good as others. Don't participate in the comparison between classmates in school."
"It's not easy for parents to support you. They also need to support you to study. Don't spend money where you shouldn't.
“唉,你这补课费也太贵了,都够咱家好几个星期的生活费了。但你别担心,爸妈就是卖血也会送你去上学。”

在父母看来,这些不过是不掺杂恶意又无关紧要的唠叨,然而落在年幼的孩子心里,却可能变成捆绑自己的诅咒。
They heard the "subtext" of their parents:
“你看,我赚钱这么辛苦,我为你付这么多,你欠我的,所以你必须好好听我的话,将来报答我,孝敬我,否则你就是对不起我。”
He does not mean that.
A sentence is like a needle pierced into the heart. Parents may not think much about it, but it may linger in the child's heart for the rest of their lives.

02
We all heard a story when we were young.
In order to give up fish meat to her children, a mother always said that she liked to eat fish heads, and the children believed it.
妈妈吃了一辈子鱼头,临终前却对孩子吐露真心:我不喜欢吃,我那么做都是为了省下来给你吃。
Outside of the story, we will all be moved by our mother's dedication.
But what about the child in the story?
The grievances that the mother has accumulated for a lifetime have also become the guilt of the child for the rest of his life, like a knuckle in his throat.
Is it true that mothers who also like to eat fish can't share the same fish with their children?
not necessarily.
大多数父母,只是想要“善意”地提醒孩子:“爸爸妈妈赚钱很不容易,但是为了你,爸爸妈妈宁愿委屈自己。”
However, a 7-year-old child can only bear the pressure that a 7-year-old child should bear.
As Teacher Wu Zhihong said,“任何一个超过他们承受范围的复杂挑战,都给他们造成不小的内心打击。”
Trying to "selflessly give" and subconsciously feel that the child owes himself to himself, so he always reveals the emotion that "parents are not easy" in front of the child when he thinks it is suitable.
This seems to be a "common problem" among Chinese parents.
可那些脱口而出的话,对一个孩子会产生恒久的影响。
Every little happiness of a child, every realization of a careful wish, is accompanied by a great sense of guilt.
In order to reduce feelings of guilt, he will learn to be "sensible" and "considerate", suppressing his urge to ask, not to mention extravagant desires.
The feeling of guiltily wanting to eviscerate the bones and restore the father to the mother is something that many parents cannot imagine or are unwilling to believe.
03
The psychiatrist Zeng Qifeng said,Parents cry poor to their children, not education, but poisoning.
They kept silent, but their self-blame continued to spread, and the disease began to breed quietly.
知乎大[email protected]巴赫爱喝胡辣汤,举过一个女孩的例子。
At the age of 8, she was standing in front of a shop window and saw her favorite Barbie doll. She would think: "Although I want it very much, my parents said that they are very hard to make money. I shouldn't be so ignorant and can't put pressure on them. "
At the age of 18, she wanted to choose the art major she likes, but what her parents said, "Art is unstable, study accounting, and entering the bank in the future is an iron job."
她学着说服自己:“是啊,艺术还得砸钱。我不该做让父母为难的事,还是选择让他们高兴的专业吧。”
26岁,她交了男朋友,男生提出要和她关系。她内心有点抗拒,觉得进展太快,可转念一想:“他对我这么好,付出这么多,我拒绝他会不会?会不会觉得我不够爱他?
In this way, she is accustomed to being excessively considerate of each other in the relationship, and accustomed to being excessively responsible for other people's emotions.
When the other party paid one point for her, she felt that she owed the other party ten points.I would rather wrong my own will, but also make the other party satisfied.
 
She did not dare to refuse, nor did she dare to insist on her own opinions.
I didn't dare to take care of and satisfy my emotions and needs, and eventually lost control of my life step by step.
There is a term in psychology called "little adult syndrome", which refers to those children who use tolerance to adapt to the environment and close their hearts in exchange for "deliberate maturity."
Some people think that their birth is a debt, that they are self-willed and greedy, which adds burden to their parents.There is no confidence to ask for happiness, just pay off what you owe your parents.
When he grew up, he regarded himself as a burden.Very low self-esteem, cowardice, cowering, without the slightest dignity.
Some people desperately restrained their instincts to please their parents after their parents were crying poor, and they began to rebel after knowing the truth that the family was not so poor.
自己是阴沟里的鼹鼠,浑身脏水和恶臭,永远只能活在泥土里。
Think that you are not worthy to walk in the sun, not worthy of warmth and love.
如果你幼小的孩子在商店里用渴望的眼神看着一件商品,回过头来却说:“我不喜欢,我不要。”
You should never be complacent and happy at this time.
04
"Sense of giving" and "sense of sacrifice" are the most horrible emotions in family education.
But most parents just don’t understand. Compared to crying poorly and pretending to be poor,Presenting the truth is the best education.
When he was at the same table in elementary school when he was full of Adine Nike, the pair of miscellaneous shoes that he wore would tell him that he was from a normal family.
When his junior high school classmates can sign up for the school’s foreign study tours every holiday, and his passport is stamped with stamps from various countries, and he can only sit at home and watch TV, the chair that locks him will tell him, His family background is average.
当他的高中高考失利,还可以上一年几十万的中外合资大学,毕业后直接出国,而他必须早点实习找到工作赚钱的时候,他早就明白了,他家境一般。
Look at this sentence again at this moment:
“你吃这一顿饭,就花了我半天辛苦工作. "
Children who already know the meaning of "poor" and "rich" have long known that this meal is "valuable" to them.
It's just that the wound that was torn by his father himself healed more slowly than ever before.
Are parents unable to tell their children about the financial situation at home?
of course not.
After drawing a half arc, add another half arc to make a perfect "circle".
After saying this sentence, extend this topic to "present the real education."

“你吃这一顿饭,就花了我半天辛苦工作.
所以儿子,咱们一起开心地享受这顿饭,吃完咱们才能有精力有动力,你看书学习,爸爸工作打拼,赚更多,吃更多好吃的。”
“你吃这一顿饭,就花了我半天辛苦工作.
说实话,这对爸爸来说挺贵,但偶尔花钱去享受一次美好的事物,也能很值得。你喜欢的话就要加油啦,希望以后你可以比爸爸厉害,轻松买单。”
“你吃这一顿饭,就花了我半天辛苦工作.
Although my father's current income is not high, there may be a lot of delicious and fun things we haven't had the opportunity to experience, but no money does not mean inferior people. There will be opportunities in the future. We will work hard to try more possibilities. "
05
I remember seeing an Iranian movie before, "Little Shoes".
The young Ali was in a difficult family situation and couldn't even afford a pair of decent shoes. The brother and sister went to school at different times and wore a pair of shoes.
Bearing the baptism of classmates' eyes, enduring unspeakable embarrassment and low self-esteem.The two children, day after day, ran in the poverty-stricken years.
But poverty did not crush the family.
因为豁达又积极的父亲,周末带着儿子进城做园丁,挣到第一笔工资的时候,不是跟孩子抱怨贫穷,而是去描绘美好的未来。
He rode the only old bicycle in the family, and smiled and promised to the child:"No matter how difficult it is, you have to work hard. Dad has a way."
Two children, kind and positive.
Poorness is never the weapon that causes the greatest harm to children.
父母因错误的表达引申出来的自责、内疚的情绪,才是磨灭孩子心性的杀手。
For families who are from ordinary backgrounds like you and me and need to rely on self-struggle to maintain their daily lives, it is admirable to provide children with the best materials within a limited range that can afford them.
Parents are the children's support and spiritual support. Never let the children consume their lives in vain due to the sense of want.
内心富足的孩子,日后必定会有满足自己的能力。
-END-

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